


The Birds and The Babies

by amsves



Category: The Tick (TV 2017)
Genre: Babysitting, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Broken Bones, Don’t copy to another site, Gen, bbbbbbbbbb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23675572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amsves/pseuds/amsves
Summary: Okay. We’ve got all the supplies AEGIS thinks we’ll need, and they’re AEGIS, so hopefully they’ve thought of everything. Junior seems like a well-behaved baby, I think? He’s not really old enough to cause trouble, though. How old even is he, anyway?-In which Arthur spirals, fights crime, and gets creative (so, pretty much business as usual).
Relationships: Arthur Everest & The Tick (The Tick)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	The Birds and The Babies

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! I hope you enjoy!  
> Prompt: 'Broken Bones'

It shouldn’t have happened.

If Arthur hadn’t been a 0, a regular nobody, just some guy in a stolen Urmanian supersuit, it _wouldn’t_ have happened.

But as it stood, he _was_ just a guy in a stolen Urmanian supersuit. Just a guy who wasn’t strong enough and had bones brittle enough to break in the middle of a fight with Scarlet Macaw’s lackey. Just a guy who still couldn’t handle pain, who cried out when his wrist snapped cleanly in the hold of a two-bit thug. Just a guy who needed his partner to save him, even when said partner was currently engaged in a fight with Scarlet herself and who had to let the criminal get away in order to save weak, stolen-suit-wearing Arthur.

And so, it happened.

“Tick, I can walk fine,” Arthur protested, wincing as Tick tried to pick him up and carry him out of the secret underground garden towards medical attention. “It’s my wrist, not my leg or something.”

“But what if you trip and can’t use your wrist to catch yourself, chum?” Tick fired back, concern etched into every line of his blue body. It made Arthur’s stomach turn. “We don’t need you getting _more_ hurt! That would be another terrible victory for Evil! Destiny’s plan is not Evil’s victory!”

“I know, okay!” At once, he felt bad for snapping at Tick, but Arthur was already frustrated enough. They had _had_ Scarlet Macaw right where they wanted her! And yet she and her underlings had gotten away, and Arthur and Tick had given up the element of surprise and all their leads. They would have to start from scratch. 

This was supposed to have been a big victory for the citizens of The City, being freed from the subtle but persistent presence of Scarlet Macaw and her army of bird drones that watched your every move, selling your private data to relevant third parties. Instead, they had just made everything worse.

Arthur turned his gaze from his feet to his partner’s face. Tick looked sad and apologetic, like he wanted to help but wasn’t sure how. The guilt was gnawing at him, guilt he shouldn’t even have. It was Arthur’s fault. “Look, Tick, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m just … fine. I don’t need you to carry me. I can at _least_ walk out of this warehouse myself, even if I can’t do anything else.”

“Oh, not this nonsense again,” Tick reprimanded. “Arthur, you can do _many_ things. I can’t even list half of the things! Sure, we didn’t capture that bad bird today, but we struck fear into their hearts! They will think twice before crossing The Tick and Arthur again! And tomorrow we’ll be back out there on their trail, hunting them down like Destiny’s hunting dogs.”

Arthur didn’t have the heart to tell Tick that broken wrists took longer than overnight to heal when you weren’t a Category. The doctor at AEGIS could do that.

* * *

After getting a cast put on his broken left wrist (and _that_ had been painful, too, since the doctor had had to peel the sleeve of his suit off of the arm before they could set it), Arthur and Tick were called to Rathbone’s office. The commander was seated in his chair, back to the window Overkill had shot a bullet through a few weeks ago. When he heard them push the door open, he looked up from a mountain of paperwork he seemed none too thrilled to be filling out. “Arthur. Tick. Come in. Take a seat, boys.”

They sat. Arthur could feel the anxiety bubbling up in his throat, threatening to get into his lungs and drown him if he didn’t speak. “Sir--”

“Save it.” Rathbone scribbled his signature on one more form, then slammed the pen down on the desk. Arthur flinched. “I know all about what happened, and I’m not mad. It’s a dangerous line of work you’ve chosen, Everest, even if you _had_ been a Category. Of course you’re gonna get hurt once in a while.

“I’m not gonna yell atcha. I’m just gonna tell you how it’s gonna be for these next eight weeks. You’ll still be working, just not out there. You’ll do your work here, at AEGIS.”

“We’re catching criminals in AEGIS?” Tick echoed, confused. “Is Joan of Lint back?”

“You won’t be catching criminals at all,” Rathbone clarified. “Until your wrist is completely A-okay, you’ll both be doing paperwork and odd jobs around the office. That keeps ya useful while not putting any unnecessary strain on your body during the healing process. And I swear to God, Everest, if you re-injure yourself during this probationary period I _will_ take you off active duty for an entire year, do I make myself clear?”

For someone who wasn’t going to yell, Rathbone sure was talking loudly. But his message was clear. Arthur nodded. “I understand, sir.”

“Damn straight you do. But I know you, Everest. Will you follow these orders?”

As if Arthur would ever disobey a command from _The_ Tyrannosaurus Rathbone. Sure, his police record wasn’t the best … okay, Rathbone wasn’t being entirely unreasonable in his concern. Arthur would just have to show him that he was a reliable and trustworthy hero, even though he sometimes got injured and let villains get away. “I will, sir.”

Rathbone snapped his fingers. “Good. And just so you know, those pills the doctors gave you will help you heal faster, but they do have a few side effects. The only ones that should really be a problem for you during this time are increased drowsiness and appetite, though. That’s another reason you’re not on field duty. Now, get out of my office and go home.” 

Arthur blinked. “I’m sorry? It’s like, just after lunchtime. Aren’t we supposed to be doing jobs and paperwork and stuff?”

“And your first job is to go home and take the afternoon off,” Rathbone confirmed. “Now _git_.”

There really wasn’t much arguing Arthur could do with that. He and Tick exchanged a glance, shrugged, and took the afternoon off. 

At home, Arthur changed into an old T-shirt and pajama pants, and flopped face-down onto his bed. “This day has not been great,” he groaned into his bedspread. 

“Tell me about it,” Tick agreed from the doorway. “But we will prevail! We will not allow ourselves to be beaten by these petty setbacks! Besides, Destiny definitely has a plan for us in these coming days, a plan we would have missed if we were in the field. Cheer up, chum! A new adventure awaits.”

“S’not gonna be much of an adventure if I’ve got a broken wrist,” Arthur mumbled in protest, but Tick’s words did make him feel a bit better. Just a tiny bit.

* * *

After a restful evening of taking medication, staying in for dinner, and going to bed early, Tick and Arthur were more than ready to get back to AEGIS. Their first few days on desk duty were slow, with Arthur mostly filing paperwork with Veranda or one of the other people in her department and Tick serving as an internal deliveryman, moving supplies and forms from place to place. It wasn’t the most exciting work, but it passed the time. And, surprisingly, everyone who stopped by Arthur’s temporary place of work wanted to sign his cast.

Arthur had broken his wrist one other time, in middle school, a few months after they found The Terror’s teeth. Back then, he’d still been labeled as the weird kid, the one who wouldn’t shut up about how Superian was wrong and The Terror was still alive, and the only signatures on his cast were Dot’s, his mom’s, and every doctor or mental health specialist he was seeing on a regular basis. This was new, and Arthur found he didn’t mind his newfound popularity one bit. 

On the fourth day of temporary duties, Rathbone had a different task for Arthur and Tick.

“Like, an actual human baby?” Arthur clarified, after Rathbone was finished explaining their next assignment. “Not lobster babies, or dogs people call babies, but an actual baby.”

“That _is_ what I said,” Rathbone confirmed. They were back in his office, first thing in the morning. Rathbone waved a hand, and the door opened behind Tick and Arthur. Miranda entered, holding what certainly looked like an actual (sleeping?) human baby. “This here is Arthur.”

“No, this is Arthur, silly!” Tick replied, clapping the ‘real’ Arthur hard on the back. “That’s a baby.”

“The baby’s name is also Arthur, then?” Arthur said, and then added quietly to himself, “This is gonna get confusing.”

“You can call him Arthur Junior, since his father’s name is also Arthur,” Rathbone continued. “Might make things easier. Anyways, his parents are currently under our protection. Tomorrow, they will be going into hiding, but due process forbids that from happening immediately, and so we’re taking care of them. But the mother of Arthur Junior asked that we keep her son safe separately from her and her husband, just in case Scarlet Macaw comes looking for them. They were found and freed during that confrontation you had with her the other day, you see, but they’re not out of the woods yet. That’s why I’m asking you to do this.”

“See, Arthur? _This_ is Destiny at work! We freed these people from the clutches of Evil, and now we keep watch over the next generation. This is what we weren’t supposed to miss.”

“I wouldn’t have minded missing this one,” Arthur admitted quietly. Then, louder, he added, “Commander Rathbone, sir, I don’t have any supplies for babies at my apartment because, uh, I don’t have a baby. Did Arthur Junior’s parents leave anything for us, or …?”

“AEGIS has emergency supplies for this sort of thing. Happens more often than you might think, son. Miranda, will you go grab an Emergency B-53 kit?” 

Miranda nodded, handed Arthur Junior to Arthur, and left. 

“You will report back here tomorrow morning with the baby, and then you’ll go back to your respective paperwork and delivery duties. Any more questions?”

Arthur and Tick looked at each other, and then looked back at Rathbone. _I’ve got several_ , Arthur thought to himself, _But none that would be particularly helpful now, so I guess I’ll just smile and go with it_. “No questions, sir.”

Miranda returned, wheeling a large and cumbersome-looking box on a hand trolley. Arthur noted mentally that it was a good thing that Junior was asleep, though he knew their good luck would be running out soon. Tick took the package from Miranda, and the pair of heroes stood to leave.

“And Arthur,” Rathbone added right before Arthur’s hand made contact with the door handle.

Arthur turned around. “Yes, sir?”

“You call me if you have any emergencies. I want you healing, remember. If something comes up, we can assign another AEGIS operant to this person protection mission.”

On one hand, Rathbone’s offer was reassuring. On the other, the fact that he offered at all meant there were real doubts in his mind that Arthur and Tick could do this, which was less reassuring. To be fair, Arthur had those same doubts. But still. 

Arthur nodded, and he and Tick left Rathbone’s office for home.

Junior was quiet until they left the AEGIS building. Then he woke up, saw that Arthur was not his mom, and started to freak out _juuuust_ a bit. He wasn’t wailing, which was good, but he was flailing his arms and legs and generally trying to make Arthur drop him, all accompanied by consistent blubbering and drooling. In short, it was suddenly a very gross game of DO NOT DROP THE BABY, and Arthur was glad he was allowed to wear street clothes while his arm healed, since he wasn’t in the mood to clean baby drool of a hand-wash-only supersuit.

Arthur clutched Junior tighter and hailed the first cab he saw. Too bad they didn’t have a car seat, but he was just going to hope that Destiny’s plan for today didn’t include infant manslaughter.

Junior _did_ manage to squirm out of Arthur’s grip on the ride home, though he only made it as far as Arthur’s lap. The sudden freedom, however, proved to be too much for him, and it was then that he finally started to cry for real.

The cab driver gave them a sour glance in the rear view mirror. Arthur angled Junior’s face towards Tick, who started making funny faces and wiggling his antennae. Magically, that helped, and the sobs transformed into giggles. Arthur passed Junior to Tick, who held him on his lap, and took a deep breath. _Okay. We’ve got all the supplies AEGIS thinks we’ll need, and they’re AEGIS_, _so hopefully they’ve thought of everything. Junior seems like a well-behaved baby, I think? He’s not really old enough to cause trouble, though. How old even is he, anyway?_

While Arthur’s mind was running wild, considering a million questions at once, the cab reached their apartment complex. Arthur paid the driver and took Junior back from Tick, leaving his partner free to grab the box that had just _barely_ fit in the cab trunk. Then they went inside, and Arthur ripped the box open to find out what AEGIS had given them.

A lot. They’d gotten a lot. But the most important thing was definitely food, which was good, since it was almost 10, and Junior was going to be getting hungry soon, probably. “Formula, pureed fruits, pureed vegetables, pureed meats, pureed beans, okay well we’re certainly set on food.”

“Looks delicious!” Tick commented, Junior gently tucked under one arm like a football.

Arthur didn’t know a lot about child rearing, but he was reasonably certain you weren’t supposed to carry a baby like that. “Tick? Uh, you probably shouldn’t hold him like that. I think you’re supposed to, uh, hold babies to your chest?” He took Junior back and mimicked what he thought a ‘standard’ baby hold was. “I know there’s a couple other ways, but, um, I’m not familiar with them. Anyways, I think it’s important to keep the head at or above parallel, so all the blood doesn’t rush to the head?”

Tick stared intently at Arthur, hanging off of every word. “You really are a fountain of knowledge,” he proclaimed. “Let me attempt to follow in your baby-holding footsteps, now that I know the way!”

After a bit of adjusting, Junior looked safe and comfortable in Tick’s hold. Arthur released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “You two play together, maybe, while I unpack and put the food and stuff where it goes? Maybe set up the furniture and stuff?”

“Sounds delightful,” Tick agreed. “Wouldn’t you agree, Arthur?”

“Yeah--oh, that Arthur.” Arthur ran his non-cast hand through his hair. “I knew this was gonna get confusing. Anyways, I’ll get to work, then. Play nice.”

“I always do, unless it’s a playdate with Evil!” Tick wiggled his antennae at Junior again, who enjoyed it as much as he had the first time.

Arthur left them in the living room and dragged the box towards the kitchen for easier unloading. “I don’t really have room for this anywhere but on the counter,” he mumbled to himself, “But that’s fine, right? It came in a box that wasn’t refrigerated, so obviously it doesn’t need to be kept cold. And if I keep it on the counter then we can access it faster when Junior gets hungry. It’s not like he’ll be here long anyways …” 

Plan of action set, Arthur got to work. Soon enough, the baby food was all stacked on the counter, arranged by color. Arthur had always been a color-coder.

Next on the agenda was getting the crib ready. AEGIS had included a crib in the B-53 kit, right? A quick glance in the box confirmed that. _Phew. Don’t know what we’d do without that. But I don’t exactly know how to set it up, so I hope the instructions came with it._

There was good news and bad news on that front, as Arthur discovered after dragging the box back to the living room. The good news was that the instructions were in the box. The bad news was that this was definitely meant for two people, and one of those people was supposed to have experience reading directions for building furniture, because the pictures and labels didn’t make any sense.

“What on Earth is a _sniglar_? And which one of these pieces is the _aneboda_ , they all look the same! C’mon, IKEA, make your products easier to build.”

“Need some help?” Tick asked from the sofa, where Arthur Junior was drooling on a throw pillow. 

“Yeah, I just can’t figure out how any of these pieces fit together.” Arthur took a moment to stretch. “It just looks like a bunch of pieces of wood they threw in a box.”

“I’ll take a crack at it,” Tick promised, cracking his knuckles. “You’d better protect the civilians.”

“You mean Arthur Junior?” Arthur clarified, glancing around, “Or are there more people in my apartment that I didn’t invite in but who are here anyways?”

“I meant the kid,” Tick said, “But you’re right, that does happen a lot. Anyways! It is not encouraging that this wooden beast has baffled you, partner, but fear not. We may not be able to do this alone, but we have Destiny on our side! And she certainly doesn’t want Junior to be in any danger, or else why would she give him to us to guard? We will be victorious over this cradle!”

“Go for it.” Arthur scooped up Junior and winced at the pillow. Dot had given him that. Then again, he’d never really liked it, and had kept it pretty much only because she’d given it to him. Maybe this was his chance. 

While Tick waged his battle against IKEA furniture, Junior decided he was hungry. Arthur took him to the kitchen, where he ran into a problem. How was he supposed to prepare lunch for a baby while also holding the baby while also having only one working wrist? Junior was just going to have to wait for a bit. 

He popped back into the living room. In the 20 seconds he’d been gone, Tick had seemingly transformed the crib from a pile of wooden pieces to the foundations of an actual piece of furniture. “Hey, Tick? Great work on the crib, could you take a break and watch Junior for a sec? I’m making lunch.”

“It would be my pleasure,” he replied, lifting Junior into his arms. “How’ve you been, little guy? I know I just saw you a minute ago, but so much has changed.”

_Junior really likes Tick,_ Arthur thought as he unscrewed the top of a jar of some random pureed vegetable. _I’m glad it’s not just me and him. I definitely couldn’t do that, especially now._

Arthur consulted the packaging (carrots) and scooped the appropriate amount of pureé into a plastic bowl he had. He grabbed a spoon to go with it, and set them both on the kitchen table. “You can bring Junior in here for his lunch,” he shouted to the other room. 

“On it!” Tick replied, and then they appeared. “What’s the plan?”

“Okay, so, I didn’t check if we got a highchair or not, so I was thinking the plan was you hold him and I feed him with the spoon?” Arthur got a spoonful of carrots and held it up to Junior. “Open your mouth!”

Junior did not.

“Lunchtime! Time to eat!”

Nothing.

“Okay, what’s that thing people do for babies? Here comes the airplane?” He moved the spoon slowly towards Junior in a slaloming path, making a whooshing noise while doing so. It felt extremely silly, but it worked, and Junior decided he was ready to eat, after all.

They made it through lunch in that way, slow and silly though it was. When it was over, Arthur glanced at the clock hanging on his wall. It was exactly noon.

They’d only had Junior for two hours, but Arthur was already exhausted. “How did Joan do this? For _years_ , twice?” he wondered aloud.

Tick shook his head, a proud smile on his face. “She really is an amazing woman. Why isn’t she here now, anyways? She seemed to enjoy helping with the lobster babies.”

“She’s out of town.” Arthur loaded the dishes into the dishwasher before taking Junior back from Tick. “And Kevin’s still with Lobstercules on Flexon’s houseboat. I texted Dot earlier but it didn’t go through, so she and Overkill and DB are probably in international waters.” He took a deep breath. “We’re really on our own this time.”

“Nonsense from a Negative Nancy,” Tick admonished. “We’ve got each other, and Destiny, and AEGIS on our side. And look what we’ve accomplished already! You got Junior to eat, and I’ll be done with the crib soon. Which is good,” he continued, “Because I think someone’s a little sleepy.”

Arthur glanced down at Junior. Sure enough, his eyes were fluttering closed. “Don’t go to bed yet, little guy. Pretty sure I’m supposed to make you burp first.” Arthur began patting Junior’s back along his spine, and a few minutes later was rewarded with two strong belches. “How’s that crib coming?”

“Done, I think!” 

And it was. A little wonky-looking, maybe--Arthur didn’t have too much experience with baby furniture, but this one did seem a little cheaply made--but it didn’t wobble when he poked it, and didn’t have any obvious sharp edges or other hazards. Slowly, Arthur lowered Junior onto the thin mattress, and grabbed a blanket from the emergency kit. “Sleep tight, bud.” 

He had barely said those words when Junior was out like a light.

Tick and Arthur looked at each other from either side of the crib. Slowly, a smile spread across their faces, an invisible weight dropping off their shoulders. They could do this. 

“Ready for lunch?” 

“Is it pureed carrots? That looked kinda tasty.”

“Uh, Tick, I think we should leave the baby food for the baby. If there’s any left tomorrow, though, you can try it then.”

* * *

Junior woke up from his nap just as Tick and Arthur were finishing their lunches (made of adult food, not baby food). Tick scooped him up out of his crib, and a few seconds later a certain smell most common to babies in diapers wafted through their apartment. “Friend, you smell extremely foul, and I do not say that lightly. I’ve spent a lot of time in the sewers, after all!” 

“Ugh, I knew you were gonna need a new diaper eventually.” Arthur grabbed his phone and Googled _how to change a diaper_ , and after watching a brief tutorial he grabbed an AEGIS diaper and got to work. 

To any practiced parent, he probably did an atrocious job, but Junior looked happy, so it was fine. Arthur wrapped the used diaper in a plastic bag before dropping it in the kitchen trash. Then, he grabbed the Febreze. The odor in the apartment shifted from ‘dirty diapers’ to ‘dirty diapers but in Hawaii’, which was a marginal improvement. 

Tick moved to open the living room window. “Let’s get some fresh air in here!”  
  


“No!” Arthur and Arthur placed themselves between Tick and the window. “Arthur Junior’s parents are in hiding, remember? If we open the window, someone who’s looking for them could see or hear him in here! Actually, we should have closed all the curtains already. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.” With his good arm he was clutching Junior, so with his other arm Arthur drew the curtains closed. 

“I still can’t believe Rathbone gave Junior to _us_ to watch,” Arthur continued, walking from room to room and darkening them as he went. “I mean, first of all, neither of us have any real parenting experience, besides the lobsters. Second of all, I’ve got a broken wrist! Babies are very much a two-handed job.”

“Good thing we’ve got three between the two of us!” Tick added, but Arthur wasn’t listening. 

“I know he gave Junior to us _because_ I broke my wrist, but if you think about it that’s just a terrible idea. Third of all, I’ve lost track of how many times people have broken into my apartment! Heroes, vigilantes, villains, we’ve had them all! This is the last place you want the child of a couple in hiding!” 

“Arthur, friend,” Tick interjected again, placing a hand on Arthur’s shoulder. “Everything will be fine. Junior was entrusted to us because we’re the right team for the job. And if villains do come for us, well, we’ll just have to _take them down_!” He opened his arms for a hug. “Don’t forget. We choose love, not fear.”

Arthur took a deep breath, and summoned a smile he wasn’t quite feeling. “Yep. You’re right. Love.” He leaned into Tick’s hug, and for a moment everything was fine. 

Then Junior started crying again. 

* * *

The afternoon passed far too quickly. Arthur couldn’t believe where the time had gone. One moment he’d been freaking out about being watched, and the next it was time for Junior’s after-dinner nap. Somehow, in those few hours, they had spent more time playing together and all three of them had had something to eat, but it just seemed like a blur. Now Junior was back in the crib, and Tick was digging through the B-53 kit looking for supplies for the night. 

“Let’s see here. We’ve got pajamas! Good. And clothes for tomorrow, too. How did they know what size clothing to give us? Do they have different kits for different-aged babies?”

“It’s AEGIS, Tick. I’m sure they have all kinds of supplies for every possible way this could happen. Rathbone made it sound like this happened a lot. Did you find more diapers?” 

“Yessiree, more diapers right here.” Tick handed both the diapers and the extra clothes to Arthur. “Man, having a baby is hard work! I know Destiny gave Junior to us because we could handle it, but I’m wiped.”

Arthur put the supplies he was holding on the table next to the couch, and turned the TV on. “Me, too, Tick. Me, too.” He muted the TV and enabled closed captioning. Checking the news after a day away from AEGIS just seemed like a good idea. City News Channel 9 wasn’t reporting anything crazy, though, just run-of-the-mill stuff in a place overflowing with heroes and villains. The most notable event that day was that Bronze Star had stopped a drug deal on North 85th street. 

Arthur could’ve sworn he hadn’t fallen asleep, but when Junior started moving in the crib he jerked awake. He got up and grabbed Junior from the crib and sat back down on the couch with him. Then, Arthur’s stomach grumbled.

“Hungry, chum?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Parenting is hard work!” Tick stood up from the couch (and that was more proof that Arthur had been out, because he didn’t remember Tick sitting down in the first place) and went into the kitchen. “Any preference on a snack?”

“Whatever is fine.” Arthur’s body felt heavy, like he was wearing a winter coat and snow pants and boots. Maybe he should just lie down on the couch for a minute. Tick wouldn’t mind, surely. He would just sit on the chair, or on the floor, or somewhere else. Arthur maneuvered a pillow under his head with one arm, the other still holding Junior. _I’ll just watch TV like this while I wait for Tick to get back …_

When Tick got back, both the Arthurs were asleep, the little one stretched out on the big one’s chest. Tick just watched them for a moment and ate his snack, unwilling to disturb their rest. Arthur’s--the big one’s--stomach drew them out of dreamland a moment later by rumbling, and Arthur blinked awake. 

“Oh, darn. Did I fall asleep again?”

“I believe so, chum!” Tick extended a snack-size bag of barbecue potato chips to Arthur. “I brought you this. I’ll hold Junior while you eat.”

They traded cargo, and Arthur tore into his chips while Tick tickled Junior with his antennae. In record time, Arthur’s bag was empty. “Thank you, Tick. I really needed that.”

“Any time, friend. What do you say we turn in early tonight?”

Arthur glanced at the time. _How the heck is it already after 9PM? _“Yeah, Tick. That sounds great. Something tells me our sleep will be interrupted anyway.” 

Arthur got Junior changed and ready for bed, and put him in the crib in the living room. “Tick, you’ll be okay if he cries in the middle of the night?”

“I hope so!”

“Yeah, me, too. Wake me up if you aren’t.” Arthur went and brushed his teeth and changed into pajamas before poking his head into the living room one last time. “Goodnight, guys.”

“Goodnight, Arthur!” Tick returned, his voice quieter than usual but still full of gusto. “Goodnight, Arthur,” he said again, this time to the sleeping Junior. “Goodnight, Arthur!” he said a final time, directed back at Big Arthur but with a higher-pitched voice. 

“Goodnight,” Arthur said again. “Sleep well.”

In his bedroom Arthur took off his glasses, turned out the light, and fell asleep before his head hit the pillow.

* * *

He woke up to the sound of the window breaking. 

Arthur jammed his glasses on and turned on the lights. Nothing. His window wasn’t the broken one. That meant--

“Oh, _shit_ ,” he whispered to himself. He grabbed his helmet and put it on quickly, cursing his cast again. Too bad he couldn’t fit his suit sleeve over the stupid bulky thing. Instead, he opened the door slowly, wincing at how it creaked, and peered out of the room. 

If he listened, he could hear quiet footsteps. But he didn’t hear fighting. That was good. That meant that they hadn’t gotten to Junior and Tick yet. 

Or that Tick had already been subdued. But that seemed unlikely. Besides, there was no use going down that mental path, because if Tick really was out of the fight already Arthur was surely screwed.

In the kitchen, just to be safe, he grabbed a cooking knife. 

He reached the living room--where Tick was alert and unrestrained--just as Scarlet Macaw did.

“You!” Tick shouted and flung himself at her. 

Scarlet didn’t look afraid, though. “Me. And some more of my drones, too!” With that, several drones came crashing in through the living room window. “It was a good idea you had to close your curtains, by the way, but I knew your whereabouts long before you did all that. My drones spotted Junior on his way into the building. Did you really take a _taxi_ home?”

The drones swarmed Tick, all attacking his eyes. 

_Not in the face_ , Arthur thought to himself distantly, but there wasn’t really time for fear at that moment. Instead, he sprinted to Arthur Junior’s crib and snatched the baby right before Scarlet got her talons on him. 

Fighting a battle with a broken wrist while holding a baby with your good one wasn’t easy. Arthur had lost a similar fight without those two handicaps just a few days ago. But things weren’t exactly the same. For one, it was just Scarlet and a good number of drones, no other villains in sight. For another, they were in _Arthur’s_ apartment, not Scarlet’s gardens. This was his turf.

And finally, Arthur had a weapon on him. Gripping the kitchen knife in his left hand, he slashed out at Scarlet. “Stay back!”

“Oh, Arthur, don’t be like that,” she trilled, lunging at him and catching the thin fabric of his shirt with her talons. It sliced like butter. “If you just give me what I want, I’ll stay as far back as you want. I’ll back all the way up to my hideout and leave you and your partner alone.”

“Give you what you want, huh? Like what, the baby and the location of his parents?”

“That would be nice,” she agreed. “How about it?” 

“Yeah, no.” Arthur landed a successful swipe. Yikes, he hadn’t really meant to hurt her, just make her _believe_ he might. Scarlet hissed in pain as her feathered arm started to bleed. She didn’t stop fighting though, so it clearly wasn’t deep. Not deep _enough_ , anyway. 

Arthur tore his eyes away from his opponent just long enough to check on Tick. He was still being swarmed by bird drones, all intent on pecking out his eyes. Tick was smashing them as fast as he could, but he wasn’t out of the woods yet. _I’ve got to hold out for just a little while longer_.

Junior was crying, but Arthur could barely hear it over the sounds of fighting and his own heart beating loud in his ears. _I can’t let him get hurt! What kind of hero would I be then?_

Finally, Tick smashed the last drone. “Arthur! Let’s escape out the window!”

“Great idea,” Scarlet agreed, “Except how are you going to do that? I’m not exactly going to stand around and _watch!_ ” With that last word, she reached out and slashed a line up Arthur’s cheek, stopping right underneath his goggles. 

“Tick, you work on the window!” Arthur shouted. “I’ll hold her off while you do!”

“Will you?” Scarlet changed up her attack, and swept Arthur’s feet out from underneath him. He threw the knife away just before he hit the floor and impaled himself on it. _Oh my god that was close. And it’s a good thing I landed on my butt, too, or Junior would be toast_.

The precious few seconds it took for Arthur to get back to his feet were all Scarlet needed to cross the room and attack Tick. His back was pressed up against the window as he defended himself, which presented two problems: he couldn’t get the window open while engaged in the fight, and Arthur couldn’t do it while Tick and Scarlet battled it out. He also seemed to be worn down from so many attacks on his face. Arthur’s stomach dropped--Tick, _worn down_ in the middle of a fight against Evil? This truly was a life-or-death moment, then. 

An idea came to him. But he would only have one shot. 

Arthur crept across the living room, stopping right behind Scarlet’s turned back. Then, he straightened, and brought his cast down as hard as he could on her skull.

The pain was intense, but Scarlet’s was evidently worse. She crumpled to the floor, unconscious. 

“Oh, thank God that worked,” Arthur heard himself say, before the room started spinning. 

* * *

He woke up a few moments later back on the couch, with Junior back in the crib. Tick was eating another bag of chips on the floor. At first glance, everything looked normal. _Was all that just a dream?_

He glanced around the room and--yep, that was Scarlet Macaw’s unconscious body tied up in the corner. So that really happened. 

Arthur checked the time. It was almost 5 in the morning. “Tick? Why are you eating chips?”

“That battle made me hungry! Scarlet Macaw is one fiery opponent, friend. But we bested her once and for all!” He extended a chip to Arthur. 

Arthur took the chip. “Wow, salt and vinegar. What a great early morning flavor. Anyways, are you sure she’ll stay tied up until we can take her to AEGIS?”

“I hope so, chum, because I used some rope from that box AEGIS gave us! It was labelled ‘restraining rope’, too, so I’d wager everything will be fine.”

“Hope that rope was meant for restraining villains and not babies.” With that threat out of the way, Arthur took in the rest of the carnage. The floor was littered with crushed drone pieces and broken glass. It was a miracle that he hadn’t stepped in anything while fighting barefoot. “Well, that’s good, anyways. And I already knew I wasn’t getting my security deposit back.”

“Destiny is the only security we need,” Tick proclaimed solemnly. “And friendship. And coffee. And …”

Rathbone _really_ hadn’t been kidding about the increased drowsiness from the pills. _It makes sense_ , Arthur supposed, eyes already sliding back closed, _since they’re just boosting my ability to heal on my own, but come on. This is getting a little ridiculous._

Then he blinked, and it was time to get ready for work.

* * *

“So? How’d it go?” Rathbone inquired as Arthur and Arthur entered his office. “And where’s the big blue one?”

“He’s handing Scarlet Macaw over to the security team downstairs,” Arthur explained, settling into ‘his’ chair opposite Rathbone. “She broke into our apartment last night. But we took her down, and Junior didn’t even get a scratch.”

Rathbone raised an eyebrow. “And you?”

“Uh …” Arthur thought back over the events of the battle. “I did smash my cast over her head to knock her out. And she cut my face up a bit, but it wasn’t deep.” He winced. “Sorry. But in my defense there is no way I can be responsible for not following orders when Scarlet Macaw _broke into my apartment_.”

“I’m not mad, son. Even though I _did_ say to call me if there were any emergencies.”

Arthur slumped back in his seat. “Thank God.”

“But, I am putting you on an extra week of desk duty. And you’re going back to the infirmary today to get your cast and face checked out, just in case.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.” Junior started babbling against Arthur’s chest, which was good, because Arthur had kinda forgotten he was holding a baby. After the past twenty-four hours, it didn’t feel weird at all anymore. Then again, what even _was_ weird when you were an Average Joe with a Tragic Backstory who fought supercrime and whose partner was a big blue bug with Mys-Mass-Mem-Loss? “Uh, are Arthur’s parents ready to take him back, or?”

As he asked that, Miranda entered the office. “I’ll take you and Junior to his parents, if you’re ready to say goodbye.”

“Oh, uh, I’m ready, but we should grab Tick from the crime lab downstairs.” Arthur glanced at Rathbone, who nodded. “He’ll want to say goodbye, too.”

“Of course.” Miranda led Arthur and Junior down to collect Tick, and then to a secure inner part of the AEGIS branch that vaguely resembled a traditional jail. There were several ‘cubicles’ outfitted with beds and bathrooms and a few books. _I guess this is where AEGIS keeps people who are waiting to go into hiding. I’m glad Junior’s parents didn’t want him to stay here, although I don’t think it was necessarily better for him to stay with Tick and me. All’s well that ends well, I guess._

They stopped in front of the only cubicle currently occupied. A man and a woman were inside. As the heroes approached, they jumped up with anticipation. 

“So you’re the parents of Arthur Junior,” Tick greeted grandly. “It’s so nice to finally meet you! Your son was an absolute pleasure, let me assure you. So well behaved. And fearless, too! I suspect Destiny might have a calling in mind for him, if you know what I mean!”

“This is Tick and Arthur,” Miranda informed the parents. “They were tasked with guarding your son, per your request. But they also managed to defeat Scarlet Macaw last night, so while we will be putting you in hiding for a few days to be safe, AEGIS does not anticipate you will have to stay there very long.”

Junior’s mother took Junior from Arthur’s outstretched arms. The tears in her eyes threatened to spill over. “Thank you both so much,” she whispered, voice choked. “I’m so thankful The City has heroes like you two.”

Junior’s father--Arthur Senior--nodded in agreement. “Very thankful.”

Arthur didn’t really know what to say. He settled for awkwardly thanking them for their thanks. “Yeah, um, don’t worry about it. Thank you for, uh, trusting us with your safety and your son.”

Junior had been nuzzling into his mother’s chest when she first took him back, but he suddenly turned back to face Arthur and Tick. He didn’t form any words, but Arthur felt he could understand what his glare meant. _You’re leaving me? I thought we were having such a good time!_

Arthur used his thumb to wipe a bit of drool from the corner of Junior’s mouth. “Well, see you again some other time, little buddy.”

“Indeed! I have no doubt our paths will cross again,” Tick concurred. “In the meantime, remember what we talked about: don’t murder, do drugs, or play in traffic, okay?”

The parents looked mildly bewildered at that, but they didn’t fight the message. Arthur, Tick, and Miranda turned to leave the newly-reunited family.

Right before they left the hallway housing the row of cubicles, Arthur turned back to cast one more glance at Junior. He was happily playing with his parents, not a care in the world for the violence he had witnessed the previous night. 

Arthur smiled, and followed Tick and Miranda upstairs. 

* * *

The doctor in the AEGIS infirmary ended up having to give Arthur a new cast on his wrist. The first cast wasn’t cracked or anything, but Dr. Shaw wanted to make sure that Arthur hadn’t injured himself when he brought his broken wrist down over Scarlet’s head. Other than some bruising, he hadn’t aggravated the injury too much, and so a new cast would be just fine in conjunction with the medication he was already taking.

After that, he and Tick went their separate ways to their own temporary responsibilities, Tick to carry some heavy chairs from the basement storage to a banquet room on the top floor, and Arthur to file forms with Veranda.

“Heard you had a wild night,” she said as a greeting when he walked in the door. 

“Yeah. Rathbone told me not to get hurt, but honestly I don’t think this was my fault this time.”

“I would have to disagree,” she returned with a smile. “You’re the only person I know who would use their broken bones as a weapon in a fight. Didn’t you have a knife?”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t planning on using it. I couldn’t _stab_ anyone,” Arthur protested. 

“Oh? Then why were you holding one in the first place?”

“I just wanted Scarlet Macaw to _think_ I would actually stab her, okay? I would never--are you teasing me?”

Veranda winked and clicked her ballpoint pen. “Guilty.” She signed off on a T-83 form with a flourish and added it to the stack. “Oh, by the way, you got a new cast, right?” Arthur extended his arm to her, and she ran her fingertips lightly over the cast’s surface. “Can I sign this one, too?”

“Sure, if you want.” 

“I do want.” Veranda grabbed a Sharpie from the pen holder on her desk. “Now, where should I? Hmm, decisions, decisions. How about …” 

In the end, she wrote her name in cursive letters right in the middle of Arthur’s palm, with a little heart at the end.

_I may be just a 0 in a stolen suit_ , Arthur thought to himself, feelings of satisfaction lingering well into the afternoon, _But I’ve got friends now. People who care about me. People whom I care about. People who rely on me. And if this is really my Destiny, I’m glad I didn’t ignore the call. _He smiled. _Not that I had a choice, of course._

**Author's Note:**

> _At noon, Veranda grabbed her purse. “What do you say we go out somewhere for lunch?”  
>  “Sounds good to me.”  
> She smiled. “Great. Any preference on what we eat?”  
> “Anything but baby food.”  
> The concern was clear on her face. “You really did have a wild night, huh.”_
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed my second fic in the Tick fandom, and my first fic for my second round of Bad Things Happen Bingo! I'm also still playing Fluff Bingo, so if you want to request a square for either of those challenges, head on over to my [Tumblr!](http://www.therewillbebeauty.tumblr.com)


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